Don’t be dirty-minded, Malaysians, for sexual intimacy is not confined to sexual activity

FLIRTING couples often overlook the very fact that sexual intimacy alone need not entail sexual activity.

In the words of Violet Lim who is CEO of the region’s biggest lunch dating company, Lunch Actually, sexual intimacy does not always mean engaging in sexual intercourse for there are other forms of sexual intimacy than sex that can be just as significant and crucial in a relationship.

“This can refer to any physical or emotional closeness connected to sexual attraction and desire. If we use it correctly, flirting can also be counted as a good form of intimacy. Indeed, some ‘players’ court to get into your pants,” shared Lim who founded Lunch Actually alongside her husband Jamie Lee in 2004.

She was commenting on the outcome of a survey by, Lunch Actually which stated that most singles in Malaysia don’t let themselves have sexual intimacy with someone they barely know.

Based on the agency’s 2022 Annual Regional Singles Dating Survey, only 20% of singles are willing to have sexual intimacy within the first month or less whereas 50% of singles prefer to have sexual intimacy when they are officially in an exclusive relationship and even 30% won’t have one until they get married.

Pic credit: John Elite


Given such trend, Lim further revealed how couples can learn the difference between indulging in sexual intimacy and sexual activity.

  • Harmless flirting: A playful teasing or non-invasive touch is considered harmless flirting such as playfully tugging your arm or tapping your shoulders; AND
  • Very touchy-feely: Feel free to distance yourself and your date if he is touchy-feely. For example, if you find while walking, he has his hand placed on your lower back for an uncomfortable period, step away from him so that you’re not walking too close.

“Similarly for men, if a woman leans too close and you’re not comfortable, you don’t want to upset her by telling her to move back. Instead, you can move your seat slightly backward so that there’s distance between the both of you. Letting someone know that they’ve over-stepped their boundaries is very powerful!” suggested Lim.

All-in-all, Lim who claimed that her agency has arranged more than 150,000 dates and matched more than 4,500 happily married couples also revealed 10 tips on how to flirt and attract someone without making them feel annoyed with one’s flirting moves:

  • Using body language: Use a more subdued approach to flirting by giving your partner your full attention while they’re talking, smiling and nodding to show that you are interested in what they’re saying.
  • Using humour: It is proven that when you make someone laugh, they enjoy your company more!
  • Physical touch: Gentle physical touches can show that you’re interested and subtly flirting with someone!
  • Through words: For some people, especially introverts, they are very comfortable with texting.
  • The peak-end rule: Imagine watching a movie, there are moments when it’s boring and filled with things you don’t care about.
  • Giving genuine compliments: When you compliment someone genuinely, you can make someone’s day and smile.
  • Sending memes/screenshots: If you see something funny that makes you think of that person, take a screenshot and send it to them!
  • Use more emojis: Most singles will know this by now. Without any tone, text can look dull and flat online.
  • Sending gifts: Preparing a thoughtful little gift or surprise can impress your date.
  • Respect boundaries and signals: Respond to the other person’s verbal and body language cues. Respect their boundaries and move back if they look uninterested, uneasy, or urge you to stop. – July 24, 2023

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