LIKE other youths his age, Kuala Lumpur lad A (name changed to protect privacy) spent most of his teenage years experiencing things physically and going through “adventures”, rather than just being a “spectator” on social media, as is the trend today.
True to his adventurous sense of living, A and his friends would buy Malay erotica sold at newspaper and magazine stalls by the bus stations during his boarding school days back in the late 1990s.
“We would sneak those books into the hostel, at the risk of expulsion, mind you, and read it to pleasure ourselves,” said A, an avid reader and art practitioner who was raised by modernist parents.
“There was a myriad of titles back then, some better written than others,” he recalled, adding: “It wasn’t just pornographic; some were actually beautiful literary works with sensuous erotic elements.”
“We don’t have that anymore or it is very difficult to find them nowadays,” A lamented.
Fast forward to the present: Now in his 30s, A is an accomplished Malay erotica writer himself, writing up both fictional and real-life-inspired sexual adventures on an online literature platform where he has amassed almost 2,000 followers since he joined in 2018.
His most popular series, a 42-chapter series called The Journal (anonymised at A’s request), has been read 921,000 times to date, just short of the one million mark – an admirable feat for someone who wasn’t formally trained as a writer and has a limited Malay vocabulary.
The series takes readers through the ups and downs of the author’s friendship with his male best friend and its eventual escalation into a sexual connection. However, in a world where same-sex relations are frowned upon and heteronormity and monogamy are the norms, the two soon discover the perils of love, dating and open relationships.
In an interview with FocusM, the bisexual author opens up about his erotic writing journey, The Journal’s popularity, sex positivity and his mission to help local queers tell their own stories.
Why and when did you start writing The Journal?
This might sound a tad ostentatious, but I started writing Malay erotica because I wanted to read a well-told, beautifully-written erotica in Malay.
The Journal, as I call it, will turn four years old come December (and I have yet to even reach its ending!).
I was on a sabbatical at the time, taking a break from the arts scene for personal reasons, and I was bored. So, I thought to myself, since I am not creating any new pieces or working on anything at the moment, why don’t I pick up writing and polish that skill? I also had my own stories to tell.
The other reason why I chose to write it in Malay was because at the point in time I started writing The Journal, the Malay language was hijacked by bigots and supremacists and the way it was featured in the media and on social media was ugly, crude and vile.
The Malay language was butchered in such a way that the beauty, sensuality and softness of the language were made to seem like it did not exist at all.
If it weren’t for writers and poets like Abdul Latiff Mohidin, Tan Sri Abdul Samad Ismail (Pak Samad), Shahnon Ahmad (Pak Shahnon), Malina Manja, Datuk Che Shamsudin Othman (Dinsman), Fahmi Mustafa, Regina Ibrahim, Zy Masri, Zahid M. Naser and many others, I don’t think the younger masses would even realise the beauty and subtlety of the Malay language.
So, I wanted to join in the good fight along those literary giants in my own, subversive way – and what is more subversive than to write gay pornographic pieces in Malay when the establishment is working tirelessly to erase the existence of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community?
What do you make of the success of your work?
I’d like to believe that it is successful because the story follows the main character’s coming-of-age journey; the questions he had, the answers he discovered, the resolutions he made and the adventures he took are all relatable to any young person, straight and queer alike.
We all have had that experience of discovering things about ourselves, the fear of being different from our peers, the dreamy feeling of falling in love, the nervousness of exploring our bodies, the personal acceptance of our sexualities as well as the euphoric experience of bodily pleasures.
The other reason I believe that people are drawn to it is because the story does not involve manipulation, incestuous attraction or any non-consensual acts between minors and adults.
Yes, the work itself is very pornographic, but it is about two people of the same age group experimenting and discovering things about themselves as well as each other – there’s a certain innocence to that which people can relate to or at least would like to have had in their lives.
But ultimately, I think people read it because they needed something to masturbate to!
What drives you to maintain your online presence on Twitter, where you’ve become quite popular?
I do not see myself as being popular at all, mainly because I keep to myself and rant on issues or ramble about personal matters. The sexcapade threads are my sort of diary detailing the encounters I’ve had and I am glad that people are enjoying those threads as well.
Mostly I am there to talk and remind myself as well as the queer community about sexual positivity; we have seen too many instances where youngsters are taken advantage of and, in some cases, violently forced into sex by their peers or adults in their lives.
They brush the traumatic experiences aside and rationalise it in their mind that those experiences were acceptable just because they are attracted to the same sex.
Sex education in Malaysia, or the lack thereof, is abysmal in that we have a whole nation of hormonal raging, confused youngins and young adults who do not know what consent or body autonomy is, let alone how to protect themselves from sexually transmitted infections and diseases (STIs and STDs), because they have been only taught to practice abstinence.
Sexual positivity is not about living a hedonistic life but rather understanding what is pleasurable to you and having the courage to explore your kinks as well as desires in a safe, healthy environment.
Not only that, but it helps a person advocate for body autonomy – how to protect yourself, and understand as well as respect consent and boundaries.
What’s next in your erotica writing journey and message for your loyal readers?
I am trying to find the time to continue writing The Journal and bring it to its conclusion. There is still a long way to go and I hope readers will continue to read it, take whatever good that may come and know that there is nothing wrong with them in any way.
I would also like to encourage my readers to tell their own stories; in a world where we are made to feel less than, worthless and alone, it is important that we share our stories so that others out there who feel the same way know that there is nothing wrong with them.
In a world full of hatred and bigotry, the most radical thing one can do is to live with love, kindness and compassion. That’s all that we can do. And that is what I am trying to do. – Nov 13, 2022
