HOME-GROWN Penthouse sensation Siew Pui Yi has made a gutsy revelation to her fan base on how she has finally gathered her strength this month to visit a psychiatrist to find a cure for her anxiety and depression.
“I been through a very rough path in past 10 months since July 2021. It takes a lot courage in me to finally face everything without a single drop of alcohol or distractions,” the 23 year-old Penang lass penned in her latest Facebook posting entitled “Reborn”.
“At 14, there is a short period of time I would cut my wrist but very lightly. I grew up in a passive-aggressive family who only provide conditional love if I have good grades or be a gracious girl to relatives or a trophy material.”
Affably known as MsPuiyi, the skincare/cosmetic entrepreneur, influencer, celebrity, model and actress rose to fame when she kicked off 2022 with a bang by becoming the first Southeast Asian to be featured on the front cover of adult Penthouse magazine.
In high school, Pui Yi recalled how she was different and had to work hard hoping she could change her fate especially with her family’s financial status.
“I have never blamed anyone because nobody has been in my shoes. Whether in college or school, my classmates and schoolmates would hinder me or misunderstand me thinking that I am shallow,” she pointed out.
“Nobody asked or saw what the bigger picture behind my moves was. I worked hard to achieve my dreams with limited resources I have, hoping if I could change my fate if I work harder.”
Pui Yi said she would take an eight-hour bus ride every two to three days for her (model) shoot because she was too broke to pay for train or flight. She would stay in motels because she was too broke to afford better stays during her work trips.
“Those were the days when people (her peers) were hanging out with friends in cafes or having an enjoyable weekends but I am juggling as a student and working in two different cities. I would wait at bus stations at 2am or 3am alone and reach office by 8am whereby I would refresh myself in public toilets.”
According to Pui Yi, her friends cut ties with her when her Penthouse magazine materials leaked out but nobody tried to understand the truth behind her action.
“Nobody texted me asking ‘Are you alright’ or at least see the police reports. It was not intentional. To put it bluntly, I was a victim. My relatives called my family and said bad things thinking I have been a bimbo.”
In the past 10 months, Pui Yi said she has changed at least two to three social circles and many drinking parties.
“I started to enjoy bit by bit being tipsy because that is when the world is quiet. I’ve been bothered by voices in my head since five or six (years old). I guess I am in this weird position where I have to consider many things and be much more careful with my choices now,” she admitted.
“This is very conflicting to my happy and carefree kiddo nature. There are many roles on my shoulders (that) I have to play such as a woman, daughter, entrepreneur, public figure, creator, leader and the list goes on. It does not help when I need emotions to brainstorm and enter the world in my mind which if I am not careful, I will end up in a bad emotional phase.”
To cut her woes short, Pui Yi said she is very thankful to her psychiatrist for untying knots in her heart.
“I have to break (them) down apart but I am glad I made it out alive. I guess my views and moral ethics and perspective change so much because of the journey and how the view is up the hill,” she opined.
“It is definitely not perfect, not ideal but at least I am okay now. For once and the first time ever, I have no voices in me and I get it controlled, alone.”
For people in her shoes, Pui Yi has this to say:
“To sum it up, I manage to survive and being reborn again from an over-thinker, smiling depressed individual, alcoholic, and by being suicidal on and off my various life stages and (whatever is applicable in this list) to now strong, sober and ready to continue this journey.
“If I can be raw to my feelings and thoughts and be brave to fight on, so can you.” – April 25, 2022
