Editor’s note: This political satire by Malaysian author and playwright Faisal Tehrani on the prospect of UMNO president Datuk Seri Ahmad Zahid Hamidi becoming Malaysia’s 10th Prime Minister should his Barisan Nasional (BN) coalition emerge victorious in the forthcoming 15th General Election (GE15) is an interesting read.
FocusM bears the pain of translating Faisal’s original satire piece from Malay for the benefit of its readers.
MAYBE Datuk Seri Ahmad Zahid Hamidi will become Malaysia’s 10th Prime Minister (PM) after the 15th General Election (GE15). Maybe when he becomes PM, he would embark on a mission to eradicate graft and corruption. Moreover, he was a religious school leaver of Sekolah Menengah Agama Izzuddin Shah in Ipoh. Where else can we find a religious school boy who becomes a PM?
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will make UMNO the No. 1 anti-corruption party and anti-corruption buster so much so that MACC (the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Agency) can be dissolved.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will no longer be greedy for power; after all, he has a Chinese adoptive father. There is this tell-tale sign that any Malay – let alone one with Javanese roots – who claims to have a Chinese father or adoptive mother is not greedy. As such, Zahid can be expected to fight corruption when he becomes PM.
Perhaps when Zahid becomes PM, he will lead Malaysia to a point of glorious success that surpasses Singapore, and even rivalling the US. He has a plan laid out to bring Malaysia to the highest level in the world, surpassing all the galaxies in the Milky Way. He is very clever. Therefore, when Zahid becomes PM, he will be upright to fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will liberate Palestine and Xinjiang because he is a Malay. And the Malays have an extraordinary sparkling magic. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will light the torch of language at the universal level till the beds of the local language fighters are wet. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will make it easier for all of us to perform our Hajj while increasing the quota of Malaysian pilgrims. This will see a surge in the number of pilgrims made up of uncles and aunties who will be free to enter Mecca at will without any restriction, visa or let alone passport. He is close with the Arabs. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will lead Malaysia to greatness for he will make Bagan Datuk (his current constituency) a port that can topple our neighbour’s Keppel port. This will result in a plunge of the Singapore dollar against the ringgit. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
That’s right, maybe when Zahid becomes PM, Malaysians will no longer need to work in Singapore because our country will become the most developed country in Southeast Asia while the neighbouring country of ours will be an immediate loser. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, the prices of goods will plummet with pork leg falling below RM29/kg while pork chin will no longer be RM29/kg. All the Chinese will be very happy. Also, the price of chicken will plummet to its previous level. Malaysia will rejoice like in the past. There is no need to defend him on Facebook anymore. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, the Indian community will be liberated like how the blacks were liberated from slavery by Abraham Lincoln. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM – because of his magic – Sabahans and Sarawakians will become dignified while all their men will become famous and handsome just like Henry Golding. Many uncles and aunties may not know Henry, but you know him. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, Malaysia will be as stable as Bagan Datuk since 1995. If you don’t believe, just ask the 18,909 of Zahid’s voters in 2018. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Perhaps when Zahid becomes PM, the good name of our country will be restored and flourishes again throughout the world as rahmat lil alamin (mercy to all creations); surely, we are no longer embarrassed to send our leaders who are so entrenched to circle the holy Kaaba the world over once more. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, we no longer have uncles with urinary tract infections. Maybe when Zahid Hamidi becomes PM, he will fight corruption.
If you talk to party people, they will say that perhaps Zahid will become PM perhaps not because his majority during GE14 was only 5,073 votes. If you talk to people who don’t wish to cast their votes, it means that they like Zahid to be PM. This is certainly not a comedy or joke. Maybe when Zahid becomes PM, he will make UMNO the No. 1 anti-corruption party till the dissolution of MACC. – Oct 13, 2022
