Editor’s Note: This poem with a satiric undertone was written three years ago in conjunction with the Lion Republic’s National Day on Aug 9. It was recently given a makeover by its ‘poet’ in view of various latest developments in the relationship of both neighbours who parted ways on that historical day.
They have 3 K’s – Kiasu (scare to lose), Kiasi (scare to die), Kiabo (scare of having nothing)
We have 3 R’s – Race, Religion, Royalty
Their dollar is bigger, our houses are cheaper
Our food is better, their food branding is better
We go there to work, burgher … they come here to enjoy
Our politics is sodomy, their politics is LKY’s (Lee Kuan Yew) house
They talk of uniting one nation, we talk of uniting one race
We argue about religion, they argue about being diligent
We fight over Jawi-khat, they jump & cut ahead
We spend so much energy on Zakir Naik, until our zak*r (pen*s) cannot naik (erect)
We have the natural wealth, but why the hell are they richer?
They value know-how, we worship know-WHO
They shake leaders’ hands, we kiss leaders’ hands
They are forward modern, we’re still backward feudal
They go by meritocracy
We cari jalan (find way) with cable-tocracy
Their clean means less corrupt
Our clean means more “holy”
They have LKY & LHL (Lee Hsien Loong), we have Razak & Najib
Both Father and Son, but different spirit
So don’t complain when MYR & SGD are 3 to 1
We wanna charge them more for water, they say never mind, can drink toilet water
We call it Batu Putih, they call it Pedra Branca
They want to expand, we say no give sand (but curi-curi [steal] maybe can)
We have comedy king Douglas (and Najib too)
They have comedy queen Kumar
Our squash queen Nicol reigned long
Their swim king Schooling reigned damp
They have warships invisible to radar, we have warships invisible to everyone
Because …
They have Defence Ministers, we have Denial Ministers
Ya la, they are mightier, but we are friendlier
We export talent, they import talent
And so we lost Grab, they grabbed Grab
Majulah Singapura is original, Negaraku was copied
Both in Malay language, but they don’t understand what they’re singing!
We had MCO, EMCO, CMCO & RMCO
They had CB, CCB & KNNBCCB
We both claim chicken rice, but hello, it’s actually from Hainan la
Our land is bigger, their land is safer
They nourish city trees, we butcher city trees
They promote cycling, we promote highways
We have cheaper cars, they have better transport
We were one country, now we’re different worlds – First and Third. – Aug 13, 2022
Andrew Sia – a Malaysian – was a former editor and feature writer at The Star newspaper. He was best known for his “The Tarik” columns.
The views expressed are solely of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Focus Malaysia.
